Sandwich of "I forgive you, but"

I made a couple of big blunders that have the potential to derail my entire ministry career.

The fact exists that I have strong opinions and express them oblivious or without any regard for the listener. And that's when I get myself in trouble. Every. Single. Time. Offending others is a nack I have that in the awful sinful nature of this world I have not been able to get rid of, heal, tame, or force any kind of helpful pro-active changes in my character. The majority of the time, I apologize once I realize my mistake. Straight to the point. That's it. No additional comments.

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At the same time, I find myself in need of someone that I can talk openly without sugar-coating, and without the other person taking charge of the conversation and talk about themselves, or wanting to give advice, make me feel better or "fixing it", better said "fixing me".

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Last night I spoke truths to someone that needed to hear them. Observations that others were, in my opinion, too chicken to bring up in the disguise of religious brotherhood. But my tone of voice was harsh (definitely no kindness or gentleness there), which made others cry and attempt to defend themselves. I apologized because I knew they needed it, not because it was my idea. It was a 3rd party that had been listening that pointed out my harshness.

So I did the "proper" thing to do and say exactly why I was apologizing and how my intentions were not to make them uncomfortable. Hypocritical, but I knew they needed it. I accepted the correction and that was it.

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One good thing is that it was via live video. That was a good way to snap, be reprimanded, apologize, and receive their forgiveness. No hidden messages or un-spoken attitudes to be misinterpreted.

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And then, yes, and then I received a voicemail from the main hurt person. And it was a sandwiched "I forgive you" voicemail. You know those?

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"I forgive you, (insert additional useless comments, expand why the comment and excuse, rationalize the the verbal rabbit trail), you are my friend and I owe you a meal".

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Though they'd expressed the forgiveness part in the live video, this second forgiveness was a time of preaching. I forgive you, and then the very long sermon of being in unity for the one big cause and... I tunned out here.

I don't care. I'm pissed at the fake extension of the hand to make the fake peace.

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10 years of marriage introduced and acquainted me with the "I'm sorry, but", "I forgive you, but" types of some (not all) on absolving themselves in hidden ways that make others blindly accept and take responsibility, even after they had done so in the past.

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Does this sound like a person (either me or them) that battles with narcissistic personality?

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"Unity", I am always trying to tell others the importance of it, and now it's come to bite me!

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Anyways. That's what I got. The poop sandwich in a message and my insufficiency to feel sorry for what I did and how that event, alongside a couple of other similar situations like this have a significant picture of me being done with all this.

I want to leave. Disappear. Take a McDonald's job that is mindless and void of responsibility to others besides flipping burgers. I'm tired of other's bull. I'm tired of my bull.

Van life might be difficult, but it might be a really good way to decompress from mingling too long with others.

I'm done. I'm out.

Now I need to plan for the rest of this year and my exit. The Lord willing and He will approve and help me. My soul is dry and void to help others right now. I have zero tolerance, compassion, or empathy to work with others, I'm burning bridges and that is my warning red light. I recognize I am in the zone to burn out like I did 8 years ago and if I don't do something I will be forced to take steps back like I did back then.

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So, start prepping for a full exit.

March 2020 COVI-19

This virus is wrecking lives all over the world. The website, Worldometer has live updates of the outbreak from all over the world.

You can follow live updates here.

It's weird here in Lima Peru. It's quiet, military is on all streets and every car that passes is stopped. They have to show their picture ID, paperwork from the government with permission to be out driving, and proof that they are essential personnel, like a health worker, approved public transit operator, or working at a bank. During the day, if the person walking or driving around without this is stopped and does not have it, they take them to jail. For the rest of us, it is a "voluntary" quarantine, but it's really limited freedom. I can go to the corner store, but have to walk there (which it's okay with me) and it has to be somewhere close to where I live. Then from 8pm to 5am, it is complete shutdown of everything. It is a for sure reason to be taken to jail no ifs or buts.

Most of the time, because some workers get out sort of late, you can see people trying to get any type of transportation they can get, which include government approved buses, and non-approved vans, someone else's car operating as a makeshift taxi, and paying triple the price per ride than usual.

The government is working around the clock trying to navigate logystics, public health and safety as well as insane complicated systems to manage city, jungle and amazon communities. They have plans on using a 7 building complex that was constructed to house the athletes from the Panamerican Olympics last summer as a makeshift hospital for the Coronavirus patients that will need to be quaranteened, making available 3,000 beds for them.

The Center for Mission Mobilization formed a Task Force that is in constant communication with us with safety protocols, and Member Care staff is available if we need them. Also, my coworkers here, cellgroup leaders and some gals I frequently meet with are in constant contact with me making sure I am well and alive. So so sweet. 

Llama Llama

Key Words:

#1 Llama = Flame (fire)

#2 Llama = Llama (like the animal)

The monument to General San Martín located in the Plaza of the same name in the Historic Center of Lima. The work of the sculpture was commissioned to the Spanish artist Mariano Benlluire. The curious fact of this statue and motive of the photo is to show them this error of interpretation of words or communication.

The imposing bronze statue has a height of 16 meters and can be seen on San Martín on horseback, it is not found as in most cases carrying the Argentine flag or in a position of war. One of the errors that is marked in the work is the position of the horse, while the front legs and the expression of the horse's face express it marching forward briskly, the hind legs are parallel in resting position.

But the most outstanding error or, in any case, the most curious interpretation is the llama that is on top of the head of the statue that sustains the monument was supposed to be a symbol of freedom, a flame of fire.

Locals say that the construction of the monument and the plaza spared no expense and that when the sculptor of the statue had sent sketches or photos of the head of "freedom" he had proposed to place a llama (#1) on his head.

The author, because of the distance, would have interpreted that the work order coming from Peru, the request to place a llama (#2) would be referring to the animal llama, symbol of Peru to associate it with the country and not with a llama (#1) of fire like the statue of liberty in the USA.

So he carved a llama (#2) on his head that in truth does not have anything to do with freedom associated with the work beyond this curious story. Who knows what the true intention of the person requesting "adding a flame" or the intention of communicating a local message by the artist would have been?

El monumento al General San Martín emplazado en la Plaza del mismo nombre en el Centro Histórico de Lima. La obra de la escultura fue encargada al artista Español Mariano Benlluire. El dato curioso de ésta estatua y motivo de la foto es mostrarles éste error de interpretación de palabras o de comunicación.
La imponente estatua de bronce tiene una altura de 16 metros y se lo ve a San Martín andando a caballo, no se lo encuentra como en la mayoría de los casos llevando la bandera Argentina o en posición de guerra. Uno de los errores que se marca en la obra es la posición del caballo, mientras la patas delanteras y la expresión del rosto del caballo lo expresan marchando hacia adelante de forma briosa, las patas traseras están paralelas en posición de descanso. Pero el error más destacado o en todo caso, interpretación más curiosa es la llama que se observa en la cabeza de la estatua que lo sostiene, símbolo de libertad. Cuentan locales que la construcción del monumento y de la plaza no escatimó en gastos y que cuando el escultor de la estatua habría enviado bocetos o fotos de la cabeza de “la libertad” se le habría propuesto colocar una llama en la cabeza. El autor desde la lejanía habría interpretado que viniendo de Perú el pedido, el pedido de colocar una llama, se estaría refiriendo a la llama animal, tan símbolo del Perú para asociarla al país y no con una llama de fuego como la estatua de la libertad en los EEUU. Así entonces esculpió una llama en la cabeza que la verdad no parece combinar con nada en la obra más allá que ésta curiosa historia. Quien sabe cual habrá sido la verdadera intención de quien solicitara “agregar una llama” o la intención de comunicar un mensaje local por parte del artista

La Red

La RED (The Network), is a colaboration of churches and agencies that began to meet in April 2014 with the purpose of getting to know each other and consider how they can work together in the missionary mobilization in Peru. It was decided from the beginning, that they want to walk WITH the Peruvian Church and hear from pastors and church leaders; to consider in what ways both could collaborate.

As a National Missionary Cooperation affiliated with COMIBAM International, La RED has the vision of "joining forces in the missionary mobilization in Peru, walking with the Peruvian church toward the fulfillment of the Great Commission."

La RED seeks to respond to the needs expressed by pastors and at the same time join forces as mission agencies and churches.

The results of a survey and conversations with pastors highlight the following needs and ways in which La RED can collaborate:

1. Facilitate discussions so that leaders can share and learn about missions.
2. Carry out a personal follow-up with the pastors, in their churches, offering specific support according to the needs of each church.
3. Visit the confraternities of pastors to present missionary themes and offer personal follow-up to those they want.
4. Provide follow-up to the missionary candidates.
5. Offer fundamental courses on missions for leaders and at the church-wide level.
6. Support so that seminars and institutes can offer courses of missions.
7. Communicate with churches, announcing / promoting resources and missionary events.

"We are living this new trajectory of the church and we need to unite in the work of the Great Commission, giving it the sense of the worldview that God gave us from the beginning". (Matthew 24:14, 28:19, Mark 13:10, 16:15, Luke 24:47, Acts 1: 8, Revelation 14: 6)

In November 2018, a group of mission minded workers from La RED had a planning retreat to revise the Mission and Vision Statements. Areas and goals they worked for the next 2 years are

• To develop missionary awareness
• To provide opportunities
• To provide tools

    

Why Prayer Support?

We have been designed to be dependent on our Lord Jesus Christ, and making His name known among the ones that have never heard of Him is our goal.

Many times missionaries are sent out of the country by their friends, family and church with a great amount of  enthusiasm. The expectations of the missionary from themselves, as well as the expectation of the church, financial supporters and family might be high, seeing them as super Christians who have heard from the Lord. With time, however, due to culture shock, loneliness, slow progress and other circumstances, the stress of measuring up is too great to bear.

It is imperative for the missionary's sake to be surrounded by a committed prayer team . The reason behind this is that as the missionary does or does not communicate prayer request to the team, that the team picks up the front lines of communication and sustains the missionary with proactive prayer. The two sided communication would allow the missionary and team member to develop bonds that later in time would be crucial.

For example, let's say, after years outside of the country, the missionary might come back as a stranger to many of the church due to new members coming, and some leaving, come back to reverse culture shock, and family, friends and society did not freeze in time to how they so fondly remember, it moved on while they were gone. With great shock and some confusion the reentry can be alleviated by the team that faithfully stayed in communication with the missionary.

How hard would it be if there has been fantastic success in the missionary's life and ministry, and there was not many they could share it back home to? Communicating the blessings, saved lives and the favor God has given back to our loved ones is important as well.

OneOne12 is designed to gather friends, family and church around the missionary before, during and after they are in their host country.

It is proven that prayer moves mountains, God said it and I believe it. He proclaimed it and it is an honor to partner with with Him in this endeavor.

The Vision

On the very first minute of January 1, 2012, I realized this was going to be a different year, somehow I knew something big was going to happen.

It started on January 2^nd 2012; I decided to leave for the office a few minutes early. I forgot we had the day off! When I got to the office and saw my supervisor, he sent me home. I didn't want to go home. I was already fully awake, so I decided to go to Rick's Bakery for breakfast. But, they were closed.

Ok, the Bagel Shop - hmm, not feeling it. Oh well, I'll go to Wal-Mart to get groceries. Hey, there's Panera! Ok, coffee and quiche sounds good. Plus, I need to keep reading the book of the month! Ok, sold.

Then, God showed up:

As I was reading the book, Expectations and Burnout, Women Surviving the Great Commission (for women on the mission field), I became aware of the people around me. The booths and tables were being filled by families, couples, and grandparents with small kids. I realized I was alone, and a horrible feeling began to fill me. I started to let the Lord know right away.

"God, look. I'm here all alone. This is terrible. I hate what is going on."

  I heard: "One, one twelve."

"Yes Lord. I know yesterday was New Years."

"Nooo! One, one, twelve."

"I know, Lord. Yesterday was January first, two thousand twelve."

"No! One One Twelve!"

So, I have experienced his directions many times. I have learned that when I hear Him three times, I know that I know that I KNOW I need to write something down. I took out the booklet and pen I carry in my purse.

"Ok, Lord. I am listening. What is one one twelve?"

Here is what I heard:

1 Hour, 1 Day, 12 Months- Commit to pray for a chosen missionary for one hour on a set date each month for twelve months.

A. Recruit a team of people

            1. Have them select one day from the month.

            2. They’ll commit one hour of that date to pray for the selected missionary.

            3. They’ll repeat this commitment on the date selected each month for 12 months.

B. Purpose

            1. For the missionary

                        a. To be blessed by prayer 365 days a year by the team

                        b. To continue meaningful contact with people from their home church

            2. For the team

                        a. To be blessed by prayer & develop friendships with missionary and each other

                        b. To learn about another culture

            3. Mobilization

a. To provide opportunities for "senders" to serve missionaries and to understand their ministries

                        b. To possibly recruit others to serve in missions

This is where the vision for OneOne12 began. To find out on how to start a prayer team for a missionary, contact Sussi at OneOne12Prayer@gmail.com

Please visit the 'Teams' page on the right

   

OneOne12

What is OneOne12?
It is a prayer initiative. The intent is to gather teams to have their missionary friend covered in prayer 365 a year.